YOU FREAKING FANGIRLS
by Theultimatenerd43
Summary: Ed is trapped in the mind of a teenage yaoi fan. How will he react to modern technology and strange fanfic about him and Mustang? Crack!fic. Rated T for swearing and mature jokes. If you would in any way be offended by this fic, don't read it.


**Keep in mind, this is a parody. It is making fun of yaoi. Well, it started out like that, but now it's kind of making fun of fanfiction in general. If you would be offended by this in any way, don't read it. With all of those things in mind, enjoy!**

**NO... I'M NOT PROCRASTINATING ON "MOTHER" BECAUSE I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING. **

_**Ed talking**_

_Suzanne thinking to Ed_

* * *

_Oh god, Math is so boring, _Suzanne thought, when she heard a familiar male voice in her head say, **_It's actually not all that bad. But why did I just hear a random voice in my head? Who are you? _**

"What?!" Suzanne yelled aloud, "Who are _you?!" _Everyone stared at her.

"Is there something you would like to share, Suzanne?" Miss Stephensen said sourly.

"No, no..." Suzanne muttered, "Just talking to myself..." _By the way, _the male voice said, _**M**_**_y name is Edward. Edward Elric. But just call me Ed. _**

_NO WAY, _Suzanne shouted in her head, _THE EDWARD ELRIC?! FROM MY FAVORITE ANIME: FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST: BROTHERHOOD?! _

_**Well, I am the Fulmetal Alchemist...**_

_Wow, this is so weird... You're Edward Elric!_

_**I already told you that.**_

_You're Edward Elric!_

**_Yes, I am._**

_IT'S EDWARD ELRIIICCCCCC!_

_**SHUT UP. JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP.**_The bell rang, and Suzanne was nearly trampled by eight graders, anxious to get out of there.

**_Ow. How do you deal with that? This school is so_** **_crowded_**, Edward complained once Suzanne was at her locker.

_I don't know, _she replied, _Just try to leave me alone, I have to get to third hour. _Suzanne grabbed her Orchestra book and headed to the Orchestra room.

* * *

_**Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow,**_Ed whined as Suzanne waded through the students. Once she got to the orchestra room, she kneeled down in front of her locker and got out her violin.

_**You play violin? **_

_No, I play cello, _Suzanne thought sarcastically as she sat down and put her book up on a stand.

"Our concert is in three days," Miss Mundhenke announced, "And we suck." Everyone in the room shouted something in protest. "So," she continued, "We need to practice. And find out who the hell is messing us up."

_**It's you,**_Suzanne heard Ed say, **_You're messing it up._**

_No, I'm not, you dumbass,_ Suzanne grumbled, _It's Colleen that's messing us up. _Once shoulder rests were adjusted and bows were tightened, the class raised there bows, and started to play 'Ode to Joy'.

"Screech Screech Screech Screech Wrong string, wrong note, Screech screech, not eveeeennn cloooossssee," Was how the class sounded when playing. As Suzanne played the song(perfectly) she asked Ed, _Do you play any musical instruments? It never said in the manga or anime. _

**_Yes, I can play piano fairly well. But what do you mean by manga and anime? I mean, I've read a lot of manga and seen a lot of_ _anime,_(1)_but what do you mean? How do you know me?! Am I... _**

_Your life is an anime show,_ Suzanne said in her head blandly, _Sucks to be you. _After third hour, she headed to lunch.

* * *

Lunch:_** This is so gross. Seriously, how do you do this for five days every week?**_

_Girl power, _She thought as she scarfed down a moldy, stale, pizza.

"BOO!" Yelled Cecilia as she jumped out of nowhere, straight into Suzanne's face. Suzanne spilt room-temperature water all over her shirt.

"FREAKING CECILIA WHY MUST YOU DO THAT?!" Suzanne screamed.

"Because annoying you is fun," Cecilia replied as she sat down next to Suzanne.

"Where were you yesterday?" Suzanne asked Cecilia while Cecilia bit off a piece of her rock-hard hot dog.

"Sick," She replied in a muffled voice.

"Oh," She replied, scooting away from her. The bell rang. Suzanne and Cecilia walked to fourth hour together, as they were both in Drama for fourth hour.

* * *

Hour 4: "Alright!" Miss Andreasen yelled happily, "Who's ready for some improv?!" Everyone in the room cheered. Improv was fun. "Good, good. Let's start out today with an Improv exercise called... The Martha Game..."

* * *

"I'm a tree!" Madison said, posing like a tree.

"I'm a picnic table," said Hailey, kneeling down on all fours.

"I'm a pond," said Cecilia, lying on the ground.

"I'm a duck."

"I'm another duck."

"I'm a crazy yaoi fan," said Cecilia, waving her arms in the air and making a crazy expression, grinning Suzanne's way.

"I'M AN EDWIN SHIPPER," Suzanne screamed, throwing herself on the ground and waving her arms and legs frantically.

**_What's yaoi? What's Edwin? What are you doing?_ **Suzanne recited the Wikapedia article on Yaoi in her head. Yes, she was that obsessive.

_**Do I want to know what Edwin is?**_

_It's the name of the pairing between you and Winry... Ugh..._

**_Ugh, indeed, but I'd rather be paired with Winry than with men..._**

_Well, you marry her anyways._

* * *

Hour 5: Suzanne fell asleep in Social Studies. So nothing important happened in the plot here.

* * *

Hour 6: Miss Foster passed out this week's reading logs. As Suzanne read yaoi manga under her desk, the girls next to her had a catfight over Twilight vs. Potter. Miss Foster, used to this behavior in Honor's Reading, ignored them.

_**Hey, weird fangirl,** _Ed said for the first time since fourth hour.

_Yeah?_

**_What's that thing that girl over there is holding?_**

_What? The Kindle Fire?_

**_What's that?_**

_This is one hundred years in your future. Don't ask. _

**_Okay._**

* * *

_**What? That's a strange theory.**_Ed said as Mr. Rogers rambled on about science stuff and blah blah blah...

_Well your scientists in the past are stupid, _Suzanne grumbled in her head as she texted her ex under her desk.

* * *

Suzanne entered the door of her house. No one was home. She set down her violin and walked to the computer.

_Alright, _she thought to herself, forgetting Ed was there, _time to finish writing the new chapter of mt RoyEd fanfic._

**_ROYED?! _**

_Huh? Oh, yeah, RoyEd. it's the pairing between you and Mustang. _

**_THERE'S A PAIRING BETWEEN ME AND MUSTANG?!_**

_Stop being a pussy about it, I just want to write._ Suzanne mumbled as she opened Microsoft Word.

" _'It will be okay,' Mustang murmured to Ed under his breath, grabbing Ed's hand._" Suzanne wrote.

**_Ew, Ew, Ew! Just shut up! Gross!_**

_I DON'T FRIGGIN' CARE, _Suzanne screamed in her head before she continued writing.

* * *

_**What are you drawing?**_Ed asked curiously ten minutes later.

"RoyEd," Suzanne muttered aloud simply.

_**Oh. OH. OH GOD THAT'S SO GROSS. WHY AM I ON TOP OF MUSTANG?!**_

_Because._

* * *

**Yay! Ed is now very traumatized. I'm thinking about writing a second chapter. Well, back to writing my fanfic that I'm working on, "Mother"! Thanks for reading!**


End file.
